#169: Are You HOT For Your Husband?

My conversation with the Lord hit on a “hot” topic. Probably upon reading the title of this conversation, you might have raised an eyebrow and wondered if I am going to be addressing the topic of being physically stunning and sensual for the one you married!  

Revelations 3:15-16 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

In my conversation with the Lord, He used this verse to ask me if I am  still “hot” for my husband. In this context, a hot relationship results in action that demonstrates the motivational preference toward the other person. If there is no motivation, no action, then the relationship is lukewarm at best.

Just as a lukewarm spiritual condition is distasteful to the Lord, it is equally distasteful to the marriage relationship. It is easy to be hot for your husband in the early years of marriage. In the beginning of a relationship, you are motivated to do kind things; bring a smile to his face. But as time goes on, I have experienced that it is easy to let this motivation to cool down a bit and the relationship suffers.

As I considered my own relationship with my husband, the Lord showed me that I had become tepid in my disposition toward my husband. We have a great marriage, but I need to refresh my purpose and heat things up a bit!

The Lord used the reading in 1 Kings to help me see what a “hot” relationship looks like.

Give it your all. 

Are your feelings toward your spouse on the level of, “Meh, we are ok, we share the same air space,” or are your feelings toward your husband on the level of, “I will do all thy desire…” ?

In 1 Kings, Hiram was a friend to David and now he desires to show that same love toward Solomon. He decided to devote his efforts and resources toward helping Solomon in a building the temple. Solomon and Hiram decided to work together to accomplish this, but their relationship goes beyond just business negotiations. Hiram was willing to give all his effort, resources and attention to Solomon. 

1 Kings 5:8 And Hiram sent to Solomon, saying, I have considered the things which thou sentest to me for: and I will do all thy desire concerning timber of cedar, and concerning timber of fir.

Are you motivated to give all your effort, resources and attention to meet the desires of your spouse? Or, do you reserve some effort or expect for them to do something to deserve your devotion? Can you say to your husband, “I will do all thy desire,” and not feel like you have to place conditions on the statement?

I knew the Lord was asking me these questions. In all honesty, I could not fully answer in the affirmative. I recognized that there are some areas where I am holding something back that belongs to both my Lord an my husband. I want to give 100% of myself to him (and Him).

This is a two way street and this is what makes a relationship work. He needs to be “hot” for me and ready and willing to give me “all that I desire.” When I look back on my relationship with my husband, I noticed something beautiful. When I have determined to do all that my husband desires, his desire is that all of my desires are met.

Mutual benefit. 

In the passage in 1 Kings, Salomon and Hiram are negotiating the terms of an agreement, but it is not playing out in the normal way most business negotiations go. Solomon was not looking out for his needs to be met. He entered the negotiations looking out for Hiram. Hiram entered the negotiation looking out for Solomon.

1 Kings 5:6 Now therefore command thou that they hew me cedar trees out of Lebanon; and my servants shall be with thy servants: and unto thee will I give hire for thy servants according to all that thou shalt appoint: for thou knowest that there is not among us any that can skill to hew timber like unto the Sidonians.

How vastly different that is from how we might negotiate with our husbands. Even in a healthy relationship, we slip into a mid-set of “me first” and feel we have to protect our interests and make sure our needs are met. What a difference it would make if we entered a negotiation with our husbands with the intent to ensure that his needs are fully met in the end. I can assure you that a good man will return the favor and ensure that your needs are met as well. 

1 Kings 5:10-11 So Hiram gave Solomon cedar trees and fir trees according to all his desire. And Solomon gave Hiram twenty thousand measures of wheat for food to his household, and twenty measures of pure oil: thus gave Solomon to Hiram year by year.

The result of their negotiation ensured the satisfaction of the other. Solomon would not have been satisfied if only his needs were met.

Together.

In a life-long relationship, it is easy to get on separate agendas. While we might have individual goals, aspirations, likes, and dislikes, a hot relationship should share a common goal that you work toward in unity.

In 1 Kings I see Hiram and Solomon goal setting and planning together. They joined their efforts together and did not go at the project alone and made no action that was a detriment of the other.

1 Kings 5:18 And Solomon’s builders and Hiram’s builders did hew them, and the stone squarers: so they prepared timber and stones to build the house.

Together they…built the house. It is not “he built the house,” nor is it “she built the house.” To build a house and home, it requires togetherness of you and your husband. Do not go at life goals by yourself. Work with (not against) your husband; work together to accomplish something. This is how you act hot for your husband.

Peace. 

Is there peace in your house? Have you and your spouse made a league together, or are you acting as if you are enemies trying to claim your territory?

1 Kings 5:12 And the LORD gave Solomon wisdom, as he promised him: and there was peace between Hiram and Solomon; and they two made a league together.

There was peace between Solomon and Hiram. They were working toward a common goal, looking out for each other and they made a league together.

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

The marriage can be peaceful, and you can be a good thing for your husband, and he can be a good thing for you. But this will not happen if you are not creating peace in your home. There will be discussions, and maybe even arguments, but there still can be peace. It is a decision you have to make to be in a league together rather than adversaries. It is a decision you have to make to be hot or cold in how you act toward your spouse.

I am sure you have been around someone that his hot for you. They are excited to be around you, they are interested in what you say, and they are driven to please you. This creates peace.

In contrast, have you ever received a lukewarm reception when you went to meet a friend? It is very dissatisfying. In fact, it is frustrating. Dealing with someone that that is cold against you needs no description. We have all experienced this. It is a horrible experience being in the presence of someone that is lukewarm or cold toward you. There is no peace and comfort in a lukewarm relationship.

This is not easy nor is it natural to be “hot” for someone because it involves setting aside unnecessary selfish motivations. But it is a decision that can modify your motivations and make a difference in your relationships. Acting on these decisions takes time.

Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.

Just as the building of the temple took years to complete, our ability to be “hot” for your husband takes attention and work that happens over time. Have your devotion on this and know that the Lord will perfect your efforts. 

Related Bible Passages:

1 Kings 5-6
Psalms 137
Proverbs 18
Revelation 3

Have a face to face conversation with your Lord:

Lord, in what ways do I act cold toward my relationship?

Lord, what are common goals that I share in my relationship?

Lord, how do I create peace and how do I create turmoil in my relationship? 

Lord, help me to see ways in which I can be a “good thing” for you and for my spouse by being hot for the relationship.

If you are interested in having a collection of these devotional conversations, consider purchasing the devotional book, Conversations: Face to Face with Your Lord Book 1 or Conversations: Face to Face with Your Lord Book 2. Book 3 is coming soon! They are available from Amazon by clicking on the titles above.