- II Sam 20
- Psalms 119:97-112
- Proverbs 30
- Hebrews 8
A relationship is like a beautiful tapestry. It may take years to weave. Work, time, and attention make it beautiful. But this beautiful tapestry can be destroyed in a moment. One slice and it is damaged. This damage will take months to repair.
I have observed a women sacrifice a relationship on the alter of anger in the midst of a conflict. She had to speak her mind. She had been hurt and her pain was justified. Her words were harsh and they cut the relationship to pieces.
Proverbs 30:14 There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.
But in this whirlwind of pain, being focused on how she had been injured, she forgot about preserving the relationship. She made the decision to feed her pain, and act out her frustration. Once the conflict was over, the relationship was crushed. She did “foolishily” in lifting herself up; cutting the ties of the relationship.
Proverbs 30:32-33 If thou hast done foolishly in lifting up thyself, or if thou hast thought evil, lay thine hand upon thy mouth. Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.
Sometimes the offense is real. Sometimes the pain is real…
Psalm 119:107 I am afflicted very much: quicken me, O LORD, according unto thy word.
She had been genuinely hurt. But in her pain she did not have to turn her back on the relationship.
David found himself in a similar situation. David and his people had been in a heated battle against his beloved son, Absalom. People had given their lives in this battle. It had finally come to a dramatic conclusion. David received word that Absalom had been killed. Naturally, David was consumed with sorrow.
2 Samuel 19:2-3 And the victory that day was turned into mourning unto all the people: for the people heard say that day how the king was grieved for his son. And the people gat them by stealth that day into the city, as people being ashamed steal away when they flee in battle.
There should have been a celebration over the victory, but now the people are mourning with their king. It is a confusing time, for David’s people. They fought a hard battle and now they feel guilty because of the king’s grief.
2 Samuel 19:5-6 And Joab came into the house to the king, and said, Thou hast shamed this day the faces of all thy servants, which this day have saved thy life… In that thou lovest thine enemies, and hatest thy friends. For thou hast declared this day, that thou regardest neither princes nor servants: for this day I perceive, that if Absalom had lived, and all we had died this day, then it had pleased thee well.
Joab revealed to David that, in his grief, he was forgetting about those that love him. He pointed out to David that he was not preserving a relationship with those that love him. He was so tied up in his own grief that he failed to see how his actions were hurting those around him.
2 Samuel 19:7 Now therefore arise, go forth, and speak comfortably unto thy servants: for I swear by the LORD, if thou go not forth, there will not tarry one with thee this night: and that will be worse unto thee than all the evil that befell thee from thy youth until now.
David almost lost his kingdom because of his response. His response to the loss of his son was justified. However, it was alienating his people. His people did not feel he was interested in a relationship with them. This hurt them. He almost permanently severed heart strings with his people because of his response. Wisely, David changed his response, spoke comfortably to his people, and preserved the relationship with his people.
How about you? Have you severed heart strings due to your response to conflict? Some responses are justified, but did it damage a relationship?
Consider how Jesus works to preserve a relationship with you. He will not damage the relationship between you and him. You create conflict between you and God when you do wrong and go against his given direction. Instead of acting out against you, he is interested in preserving a relationship with you. Instead of severing ties with you, he gave his life for you. This is the ultimate preservation of a relationship.
Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Have a Conversation with God
Lord, how do I act when there is conflict in a relationship?
Lord, what do I say, or what tone do I use that is acting foolishly in lifting up myself?
Lord, in conflict, am I seeking to preserve the relationship rather than seeking vindication?
Lord, I don’t want to face conflict with a reflection on my pain, but rather with a purpose to preserve relationships. Lord, please remind me how you have preserved a relationship with me….
Glory, Strength, & Beauty 